I’m only human
Day #3 Blog Prompt: Derek Hough and Amy Purdy dance to Christina Perri’s song, Human. What does the song, the story, the dance or the comments inspire you to say?
I just can’t get the words of Viktor Frankl out of my head.
“For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into a triumph, to turn one’s predicament into a human achievement.”
People tell me that I am “inspiring”. I’m not exactly sure what that means. I would say I’m just too stubborn to give in to defeat for longer than a brief time. I’m nothing special. There are countless others who have overcome bigger obstacles with fewer resources. Anyone can do what I do, with the right information and motivation.
I’m only human.
This time last year I was in the throes of a nasty, unrelenting cycle of cluster headaches. I was angry at my current neurologist for dropping the ball on my care. That anger drove me to be a royal pain-in-the-ass to any health care provider who would listen (and few who wouldn’t) It was my tenacity that ultimately got me hospitalized and reconnected with the best headache specialist in town. It was a turning point that led to my current “best ever” state.
“Best ever” still means an average of 10 attacks each month, lasting 8 hours on average. I’m far from “cured”. I wouldn’t even call this good management even though it technically is a 50% improvement from last year — that arbitrary “success rate” threshold. The process has been painfully slow, trying one small change and waiting every 4 months to see what difference it makes.
It took me most of June to fully recover. Still, in the midst of it all, I blogged every single day. When I go back and read last year’s posts, I can’t believe I actually did all that in the middle of cluster attacks, the side effects of prednisone, a nasty medication interaction that dropped my blood pressure to dangerous levels, and a cardiac scare.
That makes me sound like some kind of superheroine. I’m not. I’m just crazy enough to push myself too hard for causes I love.
So I still get far too many migraines. I even get sick enough to stay in bed and not shower for days. My laundry and dishes pile up. My family fends for themselves at meal times far too frequently. I spend too much, save too little, and forget to pay the light bill on occasion. I get grouchy, tired, and even depressed from time to time.
See, I told you. I’m nobody special…just human.
Maybe that’s the difference. I give myself permission to be human.
I know there are trade-offs for great achievements. I plan for the rest, the down time, even the implosion. I resist the attempts of others to demand more of me than I am able to give. I’ve been warning my family for at least a week that this month was coming. I’m taking on a lot this year for Migraine & Headache Awareness Month. God willing, I will be up to the task. If not…well, I’m only human.
The 2014 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Dreaming of a World without Migraine and Headache Disorders. The 2014 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.