Letting it go | MHAM Blogging ChallengeLast Updated:
What song gives you hope to hold, despite your migraines or headaches and how?
The first time I heard Elsa’s solo, Let it Go, a giant wave of emotion hit me. I’d been trying to hide Migraine from the world for so long. Then one day I just let it go…
© Jefunne | Dreamstime.com – Snowflake Fairytale Photo
Decades of trying to hide the truth suddenly broke like a worn out dam. Dropping the mask, I let the storm rage. It was such a relief! No more hiding the pills or trying to “tough it out” until the medicine kicked in. Instead, it was full-on “Migraine Mode” with lights off, noise muted, ice packs, my favorite blanket, and a straight path to the toilet. There was no rush to “get back to normal” anymore either. At the end of an attack, the hangover was given time to subside.
Couldn’t keep it in…
Letting it go revealed new symptoms. For the first time I truly understood the phrase, “It’s not just a headache.” My eyes were opened to symptoms I’d been ignoring. Addressing these symptoms didn’t require a prescription. They just needed to be acknowledged and responded to. It was such as simple thing to turn off the lights, lower the volume, and grab an ice pack. Adjusting expectations to accommodate the cognitive side effects tempted me to retreat behind the mask again.
Be the good girl you always have to be…
Letting it go meant everyone would know that I wasn’t Invincible, Unstoppable Tammy. It required a transparency I had been avoiding for a lifetime. It wasn’t easy let go of the person I’d been trying to be. Wrestling to suppress Migraine prevented me from embracing my true self.
That perfect girl is gone…
By letting it go, I became the person I was meant to be. Whether or not I ever have another attack, migraine is a part of my identity that’s been fighting to be set free for way too long. People who’ve known me for years often don’t recognize me anymore. That’s okay. It’s was hard work trying to be someone I was never meant to be.
It’s time to see what I can do…
Without the self-imposed pressure to hide my identity, I lost the need for approval. Now I’m just me, Migraine and all. It took embracing Migraine Tammy in order to unleash the inspiration needed to write. In my early years, all I wanted to do was write. That passion got lost over the years as I struggled to disguise Migraine. By letting go of control, Migraine opened a well of creativity I thought was lost forever.
Let the storm rage on!
The Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge
is organized by the American Headache and Migraine Association.
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