The return of ITLast Updated:
It announces its arrival with a familiar 3:00 a.m. nudge. I wake to find it wrapping its tendrils around the base of my skull, pulling, growing, pulsating as it reaches around the curve of my left ear, up the arch of my temple, finally stopping to rest just above my left eye. The throbbing and pulsing remind me of something that is alive yet not quite sentient, something with the drive of instinct devoid of compassion, like IT in a A Wrinkle in Time.
I resist the urge to review the thousand tiny actions I did or didn’t take that may have prompted its arrival. To do so at this point would only serve to feed it’s hunger for my self-reproach. Now is the time to simply reach for the antidote, relax, and wait for this beast to slither on back to the hell from wherever it came.
Am I surprised at its arrival? Not really. It was overdue for a visit anyway. I’m actually relieved to know that I was able to keep it away for so long. I broke the barrier. It has been 16 days since its last visit…a personal record, a victory I can cherish. Sixteen days of normal life, free from the beast is like heaven on earth, my own little paradise.
It has a tendency to release its hold when I am least active so I will rest now and wake refreshed, ready for a new day, beast or no beast.